My Thai Momma
Hey Mom – Happy Mother’s Day.
I haven’t always gotten you the best presents for Mother’s Day. In fact, over the years, I’ve rarely gotten you anything at all – even a card. It’s not out of a lack of caring, I hope you know that.
You probably already know it’s because I’m just not used to getting you anything. We spent more of our lives apart than together.
Unlike most American family stories, or unlike most global family stories, I had to spend almost all of my youth without you in my life. So mother’s day was always a little different for me growing up. It was mostly unspoken.
I remember kids talking about mother’s day in school, or just kids asking about my mother from time to time, and I would always respond with “I don’t have a mother.”
“You don’t have a mom?” they would ask.
I would simply repeat, “Nope, I don’t have a mom.”
They would pause, then it was on to the next subject. It became routine. It became real. It became a part of my story.
I want you to know that I never once blamed you for not being around. I was never angry with you. I just knew that I simply didn’t understand.
I did have questions, but I learned very early on around the age of 8 that if I kept questioning what was happening, I would become consumed by the fact you weren’t around. So I accepted the fact that you weren’t going to be there. It was reality. And that reality quickly became a part of my makeup.
I never blamed you.
Know that I never blamed myself either.
When we had the chance to reconnect, I was already married – a grown ass man already.
I want you to know that it wasn’t until we began to rebuild our relationship did I realize how much I was missing.
I’m very lucky that throughout my life, I’ve had strong and loving women who have jumped at the opportunity to give me a mother’s love, affection, and attention. As you know, these women are still a huge part of life today, and I’m a better person for it.
But it wasn’t until you, my mother, came back around that I truly experienced a mother’s unconditional acceptance. I feel like I needed that, and you should know that you are the only person who could’ve given that to me.
When I see you with your grandson, it makes me proud that you can share in his most precious moments. I’m glad we’re all sharing the same memories – from slightly different perspectives.
Even to this day, I still don’t give great mother’s day presents. I don’t call enough. I don’t write enough. I don’t check up on you enough. I just haven’t been built like that, and I apologize for it. Shit, this year I didn’t even realize mother’s day was here until two days ago. But as always, I can offer the truth.
This is my truth.
I love you. I’ve grown to miss you all over again. I look forward to seeing you and spending time together. And I thank you for giving me what no other person could – a mother’s love.
Happy Mother’s Day – #MyThaiMomma
I think your Pompano Fish saved my life it’s so damn good. No lie.