How You Know When It's Time to Take Your Ass to Bed – My First Post


So the other night, as I’m getting ready to go to bed, just to get up in the morning and go to that black hole of creativity called corporate america, I’m realizing that everything is pissing me off. I mean really pissing me off.


And small shit too. Really small shit. For example, I was LIVID that I forgot to change my razor blade BEFORE I hopped into the shower and worked up a nice thick lather. I mean really LIVID.  I thought, now I’m forced to rinse off, get OUT of the shower, get the floor wet, endure cold air up my ass, hurry up and find the replacement razor, and try to quickly jump back in the shower before I slip on wet tile and crack my skullbone open on the countertop. Once I realized the task at hand before me, I was ready-to-punch the-dog-in-the-face-livid. And I love my dog.

And I usually don’t get livid. Or even that angry. Or much annoyed either. Believe it or not, I usually portray a frustratingly calm persona at all times. So much so that some of my closest of friends have described me as calculatingly distant.  I was like damn, “Really?”  I couldn’t tell that it was that apparent, but I’m sure we’ll cross that bridge on another post – or many.

POINT IS…I was out of character, and very aware of it. It was clearly time to take my ass to bed.

Generally, if a person can be driven to mentally imagine a violent malaise on the beloved house pet by the most benign of inconveniences, then it’s very likely that the thing that drove them into that mental space-o-rage (I should have that Trademarked) is NOT the actual source of their current troubles. If a dull razor really drove me THAT ANGRY, I should be talking to a professional.  Or maybe I should just be drinking.  It’s more convenient and a SHIT LOAD cheaper.

What I think was really eating at me was Time.

There’s never enough damn time in the day. There I was ending another damn day. Another Sunday…another damn weekend not accomplishing the things I set out to do; and here I am getting ready to start another dreadful week a little further behind than I was last week. You know, the week I promised that I would get caught up when the next weekend came around – I promise. Fuck.

So I’m pissed at everything I didn’t get done and mentally taking it out on my cute dog’s face. Such is life? Yes and no it seems, because I think this IS life for millions. And at the same time, no, because it doesn’t have to be that way…

When you start having dumb ass fucked up thoughts like that…it’s time to take your ass to bed.

I wanted to spend some quality time with the wife tonight, which makes sense.  Guess I’ll have to wait until next weekend.


Recommended Articles