I started writing this at 3am in Houston. I’ve been going to sleep later and later as I swim harder and harder toward the gaze of the sunlight beyond the water’s surface. I’m gasping for air, and I’m on the brink of success or failure.
Tomorrow [today actually] is my only son’s 2nd birthday. His mother and I will be taking him to the zoo in a matter of hours. He’s gonna get a kick out of the animals. I’m looking forward seeing his reaction to everything.
Later that evening, even before his head hits the bed on his 2nd birthday, I’ll be flying towards Atlanta to attend Blogalicious as I line up the next steps in this entrepreneurial endeavor I have going on here. It’s been a wild ride.
In the few short months since I’ve left my old career, I believe I’ve done some really cool things. Things people keep telling me I’m doing well. Things I keep hearing are changing some people’s perspective and giving some semblance of hope to some key folks.
That’s some cool ass shit to hear.
It’s crazy because I don’t really see it – yet. I can see what my vision is in my head, and since I’m so far off from that reality, I don’t consider myself having done much at all. These feelings are amplified by the fact that we’re only taking my son to the zoo for his 2nd birthday.
I left my career back in April 2013, and I was using my son’s birthday as a huge marker. A place in time to help me judge my progress. I was either going to be planning a huge bash just because I could – or I would be taking him to the zoo [or something similar]. He’ll never know the alternative vision I had in my head and he’ll never care. And yet I still know, and that’s the issue. I’m not measuring up to my own expectations, and it’s messing my head up.
I know I should be easier on myself, but I feel I’m not going hard enough.
Perhaps by his 3rd birthday I can bring the zoo to him…………….or better yet, maybe he’ll enjoy the zoo so much in a few hours that we’ll come back again next year.
Happy Birthday Lil’ Man
aka Wild Hair Child
aka Feed Me Baby Bird
aka Yon’ Yon’
aka Time Out King